


If Ever I Could Love

by ThePackWantstheD



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: 2015 IIHF Ice Hockey World Championships, 2015-2016 NHL Season, Established Relationship, First Dates, First Kiss, M/M, kind of?, more like Established INTEREST
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-14
Updated: 2016-10-14
Packaged: 2018-08-22 10:24:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8282494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThePackWantstheD/pseuds/ThePackWantstheD
Summary: Sitting out here with Claude's shoulder pressed against his and the night breeze blowing through his hair felt nice. It felt good and calming and relaxing. It was a nice way to wrap up such a good tournament. Sidney didn't want to ruin that by making things too serious when they were celebrating.He wasn't worried about Claude feeling the same way, there had been too many glances and finger brushes and smiles for him to be concerned about that, so it could wait. He could bring it up at another time.For now he was just going to enjoy this moment.





	

"What are you doing out here, Captain? Done celebrating already?"

Sidney was standing outside the club Team Canada had picked to celebrate their win. He was resting against the wall with his head tipped back and his eyes closed, enjoying the silence of the street and the soft breeze blowing against his skin. At the sound of the familiar voice though, he turned his head and opened his eyes to see the speaker.

Claude was standing a few feet away. He was dressed in a pair of dark jeans that molded against against strong thighs to show them off and a dark blue button up with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. His medal was looped around his neck, the sharp gold a stark contrast against his shirt. His hands were shoved into his pockets and a small smile played on his lips.

He'd taken a few steps away from the door and towards Sidney, but there was still a good amount of space between them. Sidney wished he wasn't so far away.

The biggest surprise of the tournament had been how much Sidney liked Claude when they didn't have the pressure of being captains of rival teams hanging between them. Without that expectation that they had to dislike each other, Sidney found that he liked Claude. They were different people, but being around each other felt simple and /good/. Being around Claude reminded of Sidney off sunny summer days, warm and comfortable and bright.

Sidney liked it.

Sidney liked _him_.

"No," Sidney said with a small shake of his head. He smiled a bit, as Worlds had gone on it had gotten harder and harder not to when Claude was around. "I just needed a break for a minute. What about you?"

"Seguin's pretty gone and I was getting sick of listening to his speech on the many virtues of Jamie Benn," Claude said. Sidney grimaced. He liked Jamie, he was a good kid even if he was a little shy and a good hockey player, but he didn't think anyone on the planet liked Jamie Benn as much as Tyler Seguin did. Tyler liked to gush about his Captain even when he was sober, so he could only imagine how bad it was when he was drunk and lost the little bit of filter he had. "So I dumped him on Eakin and escaped out here."

"Sounds like a pretty solid plan," Sidney said.

"I thought so," Claude agreed. "Do you mind if I stay out here with you?"

Sidney shook his head, "No. Go ahead."

"Cool. Thanks."

Claude took the few steps to bridge the gap between them. He settled with his back against the wall like Sidney had, close enough that their shoulders and thighs were pressed together.

While they were standing there, it occurred to Sidney that the tournament was over and they'd be flying out the next day. If there was ever a time to say something about how he felt it was now. It was while he and Claude were right here next to each other.

But...sitting out here with Claude against him and the night breeze in his hair felt nice. It felt good and calming and relaxing. It was a nice way to wrap up such a good tournament. Sidney didn't want to ruin that by making things too serious when they were celebrating.

He wasn't worried about Claude feeling the same way, there had been too many glances and finger brushes and smiles for him to be concerned about that, so it could wait.

He could bring it up at another time.

For now he was just going to enjoy this moment.

* * *

Sidney stood in a corner away from the rest of the party with a small whisky glass gripped loosely in his fingers.

Coming to the event had seemed like an easy decision. It was in Canada so it wasn't cutting too much into his vacation, PK had asked him personally, and it was for a good cause. Now that he was actually here though, he was remembering how rough charity events were. There was just a lot of socialization, which he wasn't particularly good at, and a lot of people who wanted something from him, which he wasn't particularly good at saying no to.

"What are you doing back here?"

Sidney hadn't been aware of the entire guest list, so he was pleasantly surprised when he turned towards the voice to find Claude standing in front of him. Dressed in a suit tailored to show off the flex of his biceps and with his recently cut hair slicked back, he had Sidney's mouth running dry.

Sidney's tongue darted out, wetting dry lips. Claude's eyes tracked the motion and Sidney felt a small flare of delight at that. He'd been a little worried over the past few weeks that Claude's interest would wane now that they weren't see much of each other and their interactions were primarily through text. Being in front of Claude and realizing that wasn't the case felt nice.

"Taking a moment to myself," Sidney said.

"Well, I get why. It's gotta be hard to drink when people won't give you two seconds to yourself," Claude said, nodding his head towards Sidney's half filled glass. He rocked back on his heels, as if to step away, as he asked, "Want me to fuck off?"

"No," Sidney said.

Even though Claude hadn't really made a real attempt to leave, Sidney found himself reaching out with his free hand. When Sidney had grabbed him, he'd pushed Claude's sleeve up so his fingers wrapped around the bare skin of Claude's wrists. He could feel the outline of Claude's surgery scars under his finger tips.

Sidney's eyes met Claude's and for a moment his mouth was full of things he wanted to say.

_I'm sorry._

_I didn't mean to._

_Please forgive me._

_I like you so much._

_I could fall in love with you if you gave me the chance._

He swallowed thickly and pushed the words down, settling for a swipe of his thumb against the skin. He saw Claude shiver at the softness of the touch.

He wanted to tell Claude how he felt, but a crowded charity event filled with people didn't seem like the kind of place to do it.

"Sit with me for a while," Sidney said, instead of any of the hundred things he could have said to let Claude know how he felt. "Until I'm brave enough to go back out there."

"Alright," Claude said, without any hesitation. Sidney let go of his grip on Claude's wrist as Claude stepped close and settled against the wall next to him. "So have you gotten a chance to go fishing yet, Sidney, or has the off season been keeping you busy?"

They spent a good portion of the night leaning against that wall, sharing stories and enjoying the sound of each others voices after a few weeks of nothing but text messages instead of talking about this ever growing thing between them.

There were a million chances between the first time Claude spoke to Sidney that evening and the time PK finally came to drag them into the thick of things, but Sidney didn't take any of them. 

* * *

"Everytime I see you, you're taking a break."

Sidney was leaning against the glass, taking a sip of water, when he heard Claude.

"It wasn't my choice this time. They're getting the cameras set up," Sidney said, even though Claude knew that as well as he did.

It was still late June, far from the beginning of the season, but they were in New York filming some promotional thing for the next season. There was a collection of other Captains - Tavares, Benn, Ovechkin, Chara, and Toews among them - scattered around the ice, but none of them were paying attention to them. Ovechkin seemed particularly interested in making sure Benn turned the deepest red color.

Setting his water bottle back down on the ledge, Sidney turned to face Claude.

The Flyers jerseys were a truly atrocious color, but it was an atrocious color which suited Claude.

Standing in front of Sidney in that horrible jersey with his hair damp with cold sweat from skating and his cheeks bitten red from the cold, Claude was in his element. It made him look more attractive then usual, practically shining in this environment.

"Still," Claude said with a small shrug, his lips quirking at the edges.

"Maybe you just have good timing," Sidney answered. "After all, if I didn't take any breaks, we wouldn't get to talk."

"Mmm..." Claude hummed. He shifted on his skates, letting himself drift closer to Sidney. "We do have nice conversations, don't we?"

Sidney bit on the corner of his lip, trying to suppress the smile threatening to overtake his face. "I've enjoyed them."

Claude didn't bother trying to hide his joy the way Sidney did, letting his mouth split as a wide grin took over. "I do too."

Suddenly Sidney's thoughts were a little hazy and all he could think about was sliding forward to close the gap between them. He wanted to feel Claude's lips under his, cold from the environment and smiling as they were.

There was a loud squeak followed by laughter and both of them turned their heads.

Jamie Benn was on his ass in the center of the ice with his face dark, tomato red while Ovechkin stood in front of him laughing and looking terribly amused.

Sidney swallowed thickly, leaning back to put a bit more distance between him and Claude.

Everyone was busy, focused on Benn and Ovechkin, so he easily could have leaned forward to press his lips against Claude's, but one kiss wasn't all he wanted and he wasn't sure now was the best time to bring things up.

He could've, could've asked if Claude wanted to get lunch together once they finished instead of going out with the other guys as they were planning or asked if Claude wanted to spend some time out in the city before their flights to Canada, but he didn't. 

* * *

As often as they bumped into each other during the first few weeks of the summer, they didn't see each other for the rest of the off season. There were phone calls, Claude calling to try convincing Sidney to watch some of his favorite summer shows and Sidney sharing stories about Taylor's many attempts to convince him to get a twitter, and long text exchanges, but there weren't anymore surprise meetings.

Sidney liked being able to spend time with his sister, now that she was in college it was even harder to find breaks in both of their schedules where she could visit in Pittsburgh, and his parents, but he missed those moments.

He missed _Claude._

He missed Claude's ridiculous chirps about pigeons and flightless birds. He missed the feeling of Claude's shoulder bumping against his and the warmth of Claude's palm on his bicep when he wanted his attention. He missed the brightness of Claude's smile and the way his amusement lightened his eyes.

He wished he hadn't been such a coward in the beginning of the off-season. He wished he'd been brave enough to take the risk in Prague. He wished he'd been brave enough to say something in Montreal. He wished he'd been brave enough to kiss him in New York.

Sidney had been a coward everytime he'd seen Claude, but if he hadn't been then maybe Claude would be in Nova Scotia with him or he would be in Ontario with Claude.

Maybe if he'd just taken the chances he'd been given instead of making excuses for why he shouldn't, he would be with Claude instead of missing him so much that it almost /ached./

It was while he was in Cole Harbor that he made the decision not to do that again.

He wanted to be with Claude, wanted to see where this thing that had been building between them would go, and the next time he was given an opportunity to make that a reality he was going to take it. He was going to grasp that opportunity in his hands and do his best to make sure he didn't let it pass him. 

* * *

The Penguins and Flyers had just finished their first game against each other that season, the Penguins winning by just one goal, and Sidney was exhausted but he'd told himself during the summer that he was going to take the next chance given to him and this was that chance.

Claude was in Pittsburgh and he'd told Sidney they were staying until the morning on account of the weather.

So Sidney had rushed through things post-game. He'd done his best to get through media duty as quickly as possible. When he'd gotten to the locker room he set about showering and changing without any of his usual conversation with his teammates. He could feel all of them watching him, confusion in their gazes, and he could hear Tanger whispering to Flower, but he was in too big of a hurry to worry about what they thought or stop to explain it to them.

When he was finished, he called out a quick goodbye before slinging his back over his shoulder and rushing out of the room.

He practically ran through the Consol, making his way to the visitor's locker room. As he went, Sidney heard a few equipment managers and other staffers ask him what was wrong but he was too focused on his goal to think about anything else.

Sidney rounded the corner and stopped.

Claude was stepping out of the locker room, flanked by Schenn and Voracek. He'd had his head turned as he spoke to Schenn, but when he turned to face front again and caught sight of Sidney his entire expression was filled with shock.

Sidney felt a flare of panic when he saw it. It'd been months since they'd last seen each other in person. Maybe Claude didn't feel the same way Sidney did anymore. Maybe he had, but he'd moved on when Sidney failed to make a move.

He should've called first, he realized. He should've made sure Claude actually wanted something to do with him instead of getting carried away and just showing up like this.

"Um..." the word slipped from Sidney's mouth.

Before he could come up with something to get him out of this situation, a reason why he was over at the visitors locker room that didn't involve being pathetically in love with Claude but too much of a coward to actually admit it, Claude's lips spread in that bright, blinding grin that Sidney loved.

"Hey," Claude greeted, his voice warm and affectionate and happy. It had relief sweeping through Sidney's entire body. He was so relieved to find out that Claude was still into him, that he hadn't completely fucked things up by waiting so long. "What are you doing here?"

Sidney forced himself to speak before he could chicken out or come up with some reason to avoid confronting the topic, "I was wondering if you wanted to go out to dinner with me. On a date that is."

Claude's smile spread wider. Sidney thought that was a good sign, but when Claude responded it was with a shake of his head and a, "No." Sidney didn't even have time to process what Claude had said before he was adding, "Let's gets ice cream instead."

It was snowing in Pittsburgh, the temperature outside dipping below zero, and ice cream was definitely not in Sidney's diet, but Sidney didn't care about any of that when faced with the possibility of a date with Claude.

"That's fine," Sidney said. "We can do that. There's a parlor nearby that everyone really likes."

"Sounds fun," Claude answered. He turned a bit to speak to his friends, saying, "I'm going to head out with Sid then. I'll see you guys at the hotel later." Without waiting for a response, Claude stepped closer to Sidney and tilted his head. "Lead the way."

"Oh sure. Follow me," Sidney said.

As they walked away, down the hallway and towards the employee car park, Sidney heard Voracek say, "When the hell did that happen?"

"Worlds," Schenn answered. "You are so lucky you're not Canadian because watching them flirt for the entire tournament was honestly sickening."

* * *

"Let me try some," Claude said.

The two of them were sitting at the ice cream parlor. It was late, so even though the place would be open a while longer they were some of the only people there.

Sidney was thankful for that. It meant they could tuck themselves into a corner without worrying about people interrupting them for autographs or pictures. It meant that he could let his legs tangle with Claude's under the table and let their hands brush on the surface.

"No way," Sidney said. He let out a laugh when Claude lifted out of the booth, leaning over with his spoon in his fingers, and set his hand over the top of his treat so Claude wouldn't be able to get at it. "You should've ordered it yourself if you wanted some."

"I don't want all of it though," Claude said. His eyebrows furrowed as he stared at Sidney's hand, moving the spoon in various directions as though he was trying to figure out the best angle to slip under it in order to get some of Sidney's ice cream. "I just want a bite."

"Not happening," Sidney repeated with a shake of his head. "I'm not asking for yours, so you can't have any of mine."

"I offered you some of mine," Claude pointed out, "and you looked like it would physically pain you to eat."

Claude had ordered two scoops of chocolate ice cream, one filled with brownie chunks and one with reese's peanut butter cups.

It looked spectacular and Sidney's sweet-tooth was certainly intrigued, but every time he looked at it he imagined his nutritionist face if she found out. He'd settled on something just a little bit healthier, vanilla with strawberry and banana chunks.

"I'm pretty sure it would in the long run," Sidney said. She was always stricter on his diet when she knew he'd done something stupid like this. He enjoyed his small treats too much to give them up for this one bigger one. "You still can't have any of mine."

"Come on," Claude groaned. "This is a date, Sid. You're suppose to share on a date. It's romantic or something."

"I don't think that's true," Sidney answered with a small laugh. He reached his other hand out, settling it on Claude's chest to keep him from leaning any closer to his ice cream. Claude was warm and hard and broad under his splayed fingers. "I don't think I've ever let a girl eat my ice cream."

"Well obviously you like me more than any of them," Claude said.

"Yeah, I do," Sidney answered, the words coming out with a raw honesty and fondness that he hadn't intended. Trying to cover it up a bit, he added, "You're still not getting any of my ice cream, though."

They spent the next few minutes arguing, teasing and flirtatious, about it before Sidney finally relented and held his spoon out for Claude.

Claude had just grinned at him, entirely too pleased with the way his pestering had beaten Sidney down, and leaned forward to wrap his lips around it. Afterwards, he'd ran his tongue along them to clean the traces of ice cream off them and Sidney's mouth went dry all at once.

When they left the parlor, Sidney's mouth was cold and sticky from the ice cream but his chest was warm and a smile was stuck on his lips. 

* * *

"So," Sidney drawled. The two of them were standing in front of Claude's hotel room. Claude was leaning against the door, one hand wrapped around the doorknob, while Sidney stood in front of him with his hands buried in his pockets. "This was fun."

"It was," Claude agreed with a small nod and a smile. "I'm glad you asked."

"Me too," Sidney said. He shifted around a bit, feeling awkward. He knew he could probably say goodnight and leave, but he wanted so badly to kiss Claude. He just wasn't sure how Claude was going to feel about that.

There was a small silence before Claude let out a small laugh.

Looking amused, he said, "Sidney, stop thinking about it so hard and kiss me."

Sidney ran his tongue over his bottom lip. "It's okay?"

"'Course it is," Claude said. He reached out with one of his hands, grabbing Sidney by his shirt and tugging so Sidney stepped in close. "This may have been our first date, but we've been waiting almost a year for it. I think a kiss is more then acceptable."

"That's good," Sidney murmured as he leaned in. "Because I really, really want to kiss you."

The kiss was slow and soft, but there was the promise of something more underneath it.

When their pulled apart, Sidney leaned so their foreheads were pressed together and took a shaky break.

"I am such an idiot," Sidney murmured.

This whole night, from their date to their kiss, had made one thing clear to Sidney and that was how badly he wanted Claude. Not just for now, but how badly he wanted Claude to be a part of the rest of his life.

Claude had the potential to be Sidney's _forever_  and if Sidney hadn't been such a coward they could've started that forever earlier.

"You are," Claude agreed, sounding as though he knew exactly what Sidney was referring too. "But we got here eventually and that's all that matters to me."

**Author's Note:**

> 1) Hello everyone! I hope you enjoyed the story! It was inspired by a commercial I saw on YouTube which I would show to you except I have no memory of the product? If I see it again I'll be sure to edit this to include a link though. 
> 
> 2) Title from Keith Urban's "If Ever I Could Love"
> 
> 3) As a note, this takes place during the 2015-2016 season. Directly after Worlds and then into January since the first Flyers/Pens game was hella late last year. 
> 
> 4) On that note though!! Hockey has started!! And I wish all of you're favs good luck unless they play the Stars. In which case we'll crush you :D
> 
> 5) I'm relatively certain Claude's haircut happened between the end of the 14-15 season and the start of the 15-16 season...just not when? If I'm wrong I'm sorry!
> 
> 6) PK Subban is gods gift to men and the Canadiens are fucking idiots. I hope Nashville slays their asses. 
> 
> 7) Honestly I love imagining Jamie Benn and Alex Ovechkin hanging out?? Like I know Jamie's a hockey player and one of Tyler Seguin's friends so he obviously isn't a shrinking violet, but he's definitely a little shy and reserved? I don't think he'd know what to do when confronted with Ovi. 
> 
> 8) Sidney totally could have just invited Claude to Nova Scotia or asked to visit Claude in Ontario (hell, he could've gone to see Claude in Pennsylvania when they had a break) but he didn't think of that for two reasons. 1) plot and 2) He's busy angsting and was probably too wrapped up in his dramatics to think about that.
> 
> 9) I'm not entirely certain this is my /favorite/ thing I've ever written but I did have fun writing it. 
> 
> 10) Should I have had more of a transition between Sidney making his decision and actually being able to act it out? Quite a lot of time passed between the two scenes but I didn't really cover it?
> 
> 11) I was a little unsure about Claude's characterization in this? He seems too soft to me? But maybe that's viable given the situation. Idk, let me know how you felt about it.


End file.
